Mayo Clinic Employee Experiences: One couple’s story of being a couple and working at Mayo

By In the Loop • February 14, 2019

Mayo Clinic is a unique place: the culture, the values, the people. "Mayo Clinic Employee Experiences" explores the experiences of Mayo Clinic staff as they navigate life personally and professionally. Individual experiences make each person unique. Sharing these experiences increases understanding of others and ultimately contributes to finding connections, belonging and inclusion at work.

In this episode, you'll hear from Jessalyn, an administrative assistant in Nephrology and Hypertension, and Tom, member services representative at the Mayo Clinic Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center. They share their unique love story.

Jessalyn and Tom met as co-workers at the Mayo Clinic Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center, evolving from "definitely not dating" to becoming engaged to being married. They discuss the benefits, challenges and sometimes awkward situations that occur when dating in the workplace.

"Stories like Tom and Jessalyn's show our values in action," says Cathy Fraser, Mayo Clinic's chief human resources officer. "We recently rolled out a policy that provides guidelines for personal relationships in the workforce. It includes many of the practices the couple describes."

Listen as they share their story.

Read the transcript, edited for length and clarity, below.

TOM: I got to tell the story very many times. "Tom, how did you propose to Jessalyn?" I actually didn't. She proposed to me.

NARRATOR: In this episode, Jessalyn and Tom discuss meeting in the workplace and developing a special connection. Listen as they share the benefits, challenges and sometimes awkward situations that occur when dating as colleagues.

JESSALYN: I had my first official job at Mayo at the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center. Tom was my trainer for my position. He was a pretty good trainer.

TOM: You were brilliant.

JESSALYN: Well, thank you. We didn't instantly start dating. We both were in other relationships when we met. We had this kind of friendship. We definitely had this connection. There was something special between us. We have a very similar sense of humor. We enjoyed working together.

TOM: I laughed so hard once that I had to step away. Of course, we loved the job we did, but that was a blast. We had a lot of fun and enjoyed each other in that role. Then you left.

JESSALYN: I took another position in the same building but in a different department. We still worked together on certain projects, so I wouldn't say we didn't work together at all. But when I left the department is when we started to spend more time with each other outside of work.

At first, I was very clear that we were not dating.

TOM: We were friendly. We went out for tea.

JESSALYN: We liked spending time with each other. But I was worried that it was just a rebound thing because we both just got out of relationships. I figured it was just a short-lived thing, whatever it was.

TOM: It was probably three weeks where we were kind of in limbo and just enjoying hanging out, and then, suddenly, we were dating.

JESSALYN: The hardest thing was the age gap. My family's biggest concern was there's a 17- year age gap between us. It makes people a little bit uncomfortable.

TOM: The nature of the age difference was more a focus. I think it may have been talked about, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Everybody seemed great. They, of course, congratulated me because you're great.

JESSALYN: We would take walks together on our lunch break. We would hold hands. We got a lot of double takes and a lot of looks from people who didn't know that we were together. And then they see us for the first time holding hands.

TOM: The idea of it maybe hit people weirdly.

JESSALYN: For people who knew us separately, trying to imagine what we would be like together was kind of a challenge until they spent time with us. Then people recognized our connection and how easy it was for us to be together.

TOM: They got it.

JESSALYN: They got it.

TOM: Or we just got used to not worrying about it.

JESSALYN: I would say we have a nontraditional relationship or progression of a relationship. We worked together. When I moved on, we started seeing each other. Within the first couple of months, I moved in with him.

TOM: It was fast.

JESSALYN: It was very fast. Then I told you that I loved you and what was your response, Tom? Tell me.

TOM: I said "What?" I didn't hear for sure.

JESSALYN: So romantic.

TOM: I wasn't sure if I heard the "I love you." What if I get that wrong and then I say "I love you, too," and you say, "That's not what I said?" That's just the worst-case scenario.

JESSALYN: Then I decided to propose. I figured I should have an engagement ring of some sort. I didn't want to buy one. So I made him an engagement ring. I was not smooth and said, "We should go on a hike in Quarry Hill." He said, "You're acting very strange today." I was so nervous. I don't know why I was so nervous, but I get it. I chickened out two or three times on this hike. Because I'm like, "Oh, this would be a great place to propose," and then, "Nope, nope, next spot." And we were at the top of Quarry Hill, underneath this tree, and I got down on one knee. I didn't take out the ring right away. I said, "Tom, will you marry me?" And what was your response to that?

TOM: I believe it was laughter.

JESSALYN: He thought I was kidding.

TOM: Well, you're very funny.

JESSALYN: I'm hilarious, but I was not kidding. And you laughed at me. And so I take the ring out of my pocket, with a face of horror because I'm currently being laughed at. I present the ring to you and am like, "Really, no, really, will you marry me? I'm serious, Tom."

TOM: When I got it — when I understood — I said, "Well, absolutely, yes, of course. Oh, of course."

JESSALYN: Our colleagues, at that point, were a little bit more used to the relationship, so the engagement wasn't as much of a surprise.

TOM: The people who know both of us absolutely celebrated that.

JESSALYN: I think that was the next point that people had kind of a hard time with at Mayo is that we decided to pick a new last name.

TOM: It's not traditional. The question is, "Tom, aren't you worried about what your family thinks about you leaving that name behind?"

JESSALYN: It's hard to change your name. It is.

TOM: So we collaborated.

JESSALYN: Right.

TOM: What would we tell other people who are dating or married and working together? It's a fun thing. Jessalyn, if you were walking by the front desk of the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center, and I get to say hi to you, that is a great part of my day. But if somebody needs something, I dump you.

JESSALYN: So fast.

TOM: I'm so careful with not letting our relationship step on the work piece that I maybe overdo it.

JESSALYN: It's always a balance. I think we all struggle with that at some point in time. We spend eight hours a day with our colleagues. Of course, you're going to have friends. Of course, you're going to make these connections, whether it's romantic or not. It's hard to balance just doing your job and working with people because we all work with people. It's all about how you approach it.

TOM: And clarity. "Is it affecting either my job or relationship to have both in the same place?"

JESSALYN: We have to not pretend like this stuff doesn't exist. We spend a lot of time together with our colleagues, and to pretend that relationships don't happen, I think is a mistake. We've always come at it from, "We're together. Alright now, let's move on and talk about something we should be talking about."

TOM: I think you have those strong relationships if you work at a place over time. I've got some great colleagues. I've got some really great friendships — some that are just emerging and some that I've had for a long time. It's very exciting. I don't think it's any different with you and I, or with a romantic relationship at Mayo. You just keep your eye on the ball.

JESSALYN: Actions always speak louder than words. So telling your colleagues, "Yes, we're in a relationship, but it won't affect our work" doesn't mean as much as "Yes, we're in a relationship" and then going about our business. It's not affecting our work. I think that says more than anything else.

TOM: Let's talk about public displays of affection. To me, when you're wearing the badge that just feels a little strange. There is a certain standard that you want to show so that you seem professional.

JESSALYN: We always want to keep it available to other people to interact with us. We don't want to close off that channel of communication. We've had a really positive experience at Mayo. Everyone has been really supportive and encouraging. Even the awkward experience of coming out as a couple was pretty short-lived. Once people started spending time with us as a couple, they kind of got it. It wasn't awkward. It wasn't weird, and they instantly became supporters of Team Finch.

TOM: Jessalyn Finch, I love you so much. I'd marry you all over again.

NARRATOR: Mayo Clinic is fortunate to be a place where personal relationships among colleagues are a part of our culture and history. Work with someone that you love? Share your story in the comments below.

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