Mayo Clinic Employee Experiences: On being a working mom

By In the Loop • December 30, 2020

Mayo Clinic is a unique place: the culture, the values, the people. "Mayo Clinic Employee Experiences" explores the experiences of Mayo Clinic staff as they navigate life personally and professionally. Sharing these experiences increases understanding of others and ultimately contributes to finding connections, belonging and inclusion at work.

In this episode of "Mayo Clinic Employee Experiences," you'll hear from Brenda Brault, vice chair in Revenue Cycle, and Megan Reps, a nurse in Neurologic Surgery, share their journey of motherhood. Brault shares what it means to her to be a mom in a blended family with children ranging from high school to adult, while Reps shares her perspective of being a new mother.

Listen to their stories:

BRAULT: Figuring out that I just have to help them be who they are; there's the joy.

NARRATOR: In this episode, you'll hear Brenda, vice chair in Finance, and Megan, a nurse in Outpatient Neurosurgery, share their journeys of motherhood.

REPS: I'm a newbie at this. She's 17 months old now, but I still feel like a new mom. Every day is truly new. She's our first one. We did not find out the gender before we had her, so it's been a surprise the whole time. Then she had a season of colic. That's just part of her spiciness and flair for life that truly has added a lot of excitement. It's been a huge blessing.

BRAULT: I was told I'd never have kids. I married somebody who had a son and I thought, "Perfect. I don't have to go through all the pain and suffering of childbirth. I get to still have an influential role in a child's life." And in being a stepmom, I get to be somebody who just loves him to death. Hopefully, I become the trusted person in his life who can be his advocate, whenever that is. His name is Conrad. Then God stepped in and brought me Morgan. She is my spicy kid and has been my fighter forever and a day. Then we had nine more pregnancies that we lost to stillbirth. Then we had Mason. I call them my "Itty-Bits" because I love that all of the itty bitty bits about who they are as people. I never thought I would be a mom to this level, and every day — I'm going to get a little teary-eyed — it is a blessing. My relationship with their dad didn't turn out, so part of my story is being a single mom and raising kids.

What brings you joy in your parenthood?

REPS: I was thinking about this the other day. She just brought a book to me and wanted to read it, and I stopped and got down and we read it. Just learning to find the joy in those little moments and just thrive in them.

BRAULT:  Somebody who is my mentor as a mom said, "Make the memories. When you're older, it's going to be the memories that you bring up as you rock on your rocking chair knitting." And I keep thinking about that. "What are the moments that I'm making?" 

I could get all tied up in the "I need to do this as a mom" and all the rules and regulations that are in my head from generations, "Girls don't do that or boys should whatever …" And I have to take all those voices of people who really want me to do well as a mom, put those on a shelf and say "Who are my kids? How do they need me to be as their mom?" And I realize that each of them is so very different, and what brings me joy with each of them is different. What's fair isn't always equal. Finding joy with Conrad — it's taking our hikes up Quarry Hill and having those deep conversations where I just shut up because that's what he needs me to do. With Morgan, she sometimes can get super spicy, and disconnects with the reality of the situation. She's a more emotional kid than I ever could imagine. Mason had no words, and I needed to figure out how to give him the OK to be vocal. Seeing him become stronger in who he is — there's the joy.

REPS: I love that. That's incredible. What are some of the challenges you've experienced through parenthood?

BRAULT: As a stepmom, it was a challenge because I had to figure out what my role was. How do I support him in who he is? How do I support his dad? How do I support his biological mom? I really needed to put myself on a shelf. It's about how do I put my Itty-Bits first and make sure that their needs are taken care of.

So that was a challenge in and of itself. I'm sure there are co-parenting situations for people. I challenge all of them to only find the positive. When things are challenging, take a deep breath, walk away, and be there for the kid. Morgan is a strong-willed child. She was rolling over at six weeks. She was walking at seven months. She was tearing her clothes off because they weren't pink, and it was December. You've got to figure it out, right? I either break her spirit and break her as a person, or we figure out how to work with that. 

REPS: She was colicky until three or four months, and it was right when I returned to work. You know, I was a little nervous, a little teary when I dropped her off. But all along, I feel like I just have had a heart for working. I love doing what I do, and it fills my bucket to make me a better mom. I was so looking forward to just being back with my co-workers. I did three months of this new adventure with my little girl. And when I went back I had to shuffle through the guilt. If it was 4:15 p.m. and I didn't really have anything left to do for the day, so I could go home, but I didn't really want to go home because it was like, "Oh man, I am going back into a battlefield."

Motherhood — you wrestle with being who you are and also encouraging a completely different person to find who they are. Luckily my husband has been a huge support system for that. Of course, we have our own challenges and battles through it all because we were raised differently. I'm a "feeling" person. He's a "fixing" person. When I sometimes would just like to talk about it, or sit there and shuffle through it in my head, he wants to fix it here and now. Kate gets her emotions from me, and what does that look like for mom to keep her cool. I think part of the challenge has been that A + B does not always equal C in motherhood. I'm a working mom. I'm gone for six to eight hours a day. I claim our time where I get to rock her to sleep. I sing her two songs. And one of them is the Martina McBride song "In my Daughter's Eyes," because I want her to believe in herself. I want her to know that this motherhood journey is. It's new for me, too. I hope she knows and sees how much she means to me, even after I'm gone. And what that looks like to empower her to live her best life and just believing that — even though she's 17 months old and very young — that these impressions can not only make a difference in the long run but here and now.

BRAULT: A challenge that I have is that this world is challenged with fear and how do we make our home a safe home? How do allow that differences, whatever it is, to be celebrated rather than feared and separated? Conrad is biracial, and I'll never forget when he was maybe ten at the time, sobbing in my arms saying, "Who am I, Mom? Am I black, am I white?" And I just said, "You're loved."

But that's not easy when your outside world has all sorts of fear and division happening on newsfeeds and whatnot. I thought "How do I love this kid? How do I keep him safe? How do I keep him whole in who he is?" And I just kept thinking, "He needs to know we love him." My comment to the kids when they leave the house is, "Do good, have fun and be respectful."

REPS: My husband I made a trip to Germany not too long ago. One of the couples that we were sitting with at this table had asked me, "How did you leave your little girl for a week?" And I said, "It was very hard, but I just remind myself that I will always want Kate to know Mom's coming back. Kate doesn't know Mom's coming back if Mom never leaves." 

Even when I go downstairs to change the laundry and she's standing at the top of the stairs screaming her head off because Mom has disappeared into the abyss, I say, "Mom will be back." And I still go because I want her to know she can believe the words coming out of Mom's mouth. Mom does what she says she's going to do, and if I don't give her opportunities to stand there screaming by herself, wondering if the world is falling apart because I can't see Mom anymore, then she's not going to know, she's just fine. And I hope that Kate knows no matter where life takes her in the decisions she makes that she'll always come in that front door knowing Mom's always here.

She was made and created for a purpose. It is my job to teach her to be respectful, to love, and teach her truth, but to encourage her to be who she's made to be. I have quite a few co-workers who are also working moms which helps. It's just been so incredible to have young moms, and moms who have gone through middle school, high school, and a second or third child. It's just been so encouraging and comforting to know I'm not alone. If I didn't have the co-workers that I do in the environment that I'm in, I don't know if I could do it. I wouldn't be thriving as well as I am and encouraged to be where I'm at. How about yourself?

BRAULT: I also feel very thankful to be here at Mayo. Mayo is a supportive organization. I live in La Crosse and work in Rochester most days. So, I'm on the road traveling. I'm working so that I can provide for them, so we can do fun things. They've never once asked me to change what I do because they also like the values that Mayo has. We talk about it. How many people talk about RICH TIES at home? We do, and about what that means for them. They really get a sense of the organization. It's those kinds of things that bring who I am as a person professionally into my kiddos' lives. What advice do you have for other new moms?

REPS: I had quite extensive postpartum anxiety after little Kate joined our family. It was very hard to wrestle with. I vividly remember her being four days old. At least that's what the numbers or the calendar said, but in my mind, I was like "How is she only four days old? It's been forever." I was wrestling with the need to care for her but not feeling love for her and not understanding what that was. Through that anxiety, postpartum, I got help from the midwives. I remember consciously having to make the decision to be where I am at. So many people say, "Sleep when the baby sleeps." I couldn't sleep when my baby slept because that's when the lies would attack me. I thought I ruined our life. And I would come out bawling to my husband because it would remind me that life was never going to be the same. 

I encourage everyone to find what works for you. And to realize that everyone is different and give yourself grace. I remember moments where I would have my phone out listening to a podcast or scrolling Facebook, and I remember in those moments to choose that it was OK to do that. Don't guilt yourself because that's where you're at right now. You're aware that you could be staring at your baby. That doesn't make you a bad mom that, right now, you need a little break. That makes me a better mom for Kate-Bug. Life is full of moments. It's in those moments that life is found and not in somehow living up to what everyone else thinks you should be doing or what is right and what is wrong. Just do your thing.

BRAULT: I'm going to make a reference to Frozen II: "Do the next right thing." I don't have all the questions answered now. I never did. I still don't have the answers. All I know is that all I have to do is figure out the next right thing. But also to be OK with making mistakes and letting your kids know that maybe you messed up and that you're sorry. Because when I did that with my kiddos along the way, I became human, and I became somebody that they could trust more.

NARRATOR: What has your journey been to parenthood? Share in the comments below or with a colleague.

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